Fatty lips in the office: JGulbi arrested after Labello stash discovered

What started as a minor office observation has escalated into a full-blown investigation. Sources close to the case confirm that JGulbi's lips have not been dry since 2019 — and that someone has been funding it.

It began, as so many workplace scandals do, with a small cylindrical object. A Labello Classic, to be precise — found uncapped and suspiciously warm on JGulbi's desk last Tuesday morning. By noon, three more had been recovered from his jacket pocket. By Thursday, investigators had counted eleven.

Colleagues had long whispered about JGulbi's unusually radiant lips. "You'd be in the middle of a meeting," one witness told us, shaking their head slowly, "and there he'd be — just gliding it on, not even breaking eye contact. Bold. Too bold."

"We tried to look away. We couldn't. His lips were simply too moisturized."

Office management first raised concerns in Q3 last year, after the monthly stationary order mysteriously included a bulk purchase of SPF 15 lip care. JGulbi allegedly attributed it to "dry air in the building." The building's HVAC system was immediately cleared of all charges.

At time of press, JGulbi has been taken in for questioning. He arrived at the station noticeably well-hydrated — lips included. His attorney has issued a brief statement: "My client denies all allegations of excessive moisturizing and asks for privacy during this difficult, yet supple, time."